Listen up, HOLIDAY FATTY – you know who you are. It’s January 1st, and officially the last day you can chalk-up your terrible eating/drinking/whatevering habits of the last few weeks to statements like: “Ah c’mon, it’s the holidays…!”
Thinking of starting off this New Year right by losing a few (hundred) pounds? You probably already know losing weight takes hard-work, dedication and perseverance. Eating right, drinking right and living right are all key to a successful weight loss plan. And so I bring to you a no-fail diet – assuming you have the time, patience, character and willpower to follow through.
WARNING: You’ll need to follow this regimen to the letter – no cheating!
GUINNESS DIET
Time Required: 1 Week
If you’re serious about this diet, you’ll need to devote at least 1 FULL WEEK (depending on how much weight you want to lose).
At the end of this week, you will lose at least 9 pounds.
Daily Routine/ Meal Plan
- A minimum of 4 to 10 pints of Guinness a day. Bottled or Draught – your choice.
- ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD (who needs it, anyway?). Drink as much water as you want.
- One pint of milk/day (for calcium), and a vitamin C supplement (both of which, is the only thing Guinness is lacking).
Repeat daily for 1 week / however long you want to lose weight / until your liver gives out (WEAK!).
A lot of you are probably wondering, “Is this safe???” Well, I’m no doctor, but if you trust my medical advice, then the answer is a definitive “YES” – yes it is!
Actually, this ‘diet’ is a somewhat of an urban legend that I’ve heard about for years. I’ve heard stories about friends of friends, famous people, dead people or whatever who have done it, and swear it works like a charm. And hey, when you’re faced with the dilemma of actually getting off the couch and UGH, going to the gym… or this… one definitely separates the women from the girls (or the men from the girls). Can you guess which one?
Happy New Year Everyone! Excitedly looking forward to another year of enjoying great craft beer…and after this diet I’m sure to look even more awesome while doing it.
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